There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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