the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
