How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
