Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
