I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
