I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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