I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize