Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
