you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
