rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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