remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
