i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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