It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize