So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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