She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize