There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
