I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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