Moan for me like Helen Keller
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
