I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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