ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
