You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
