I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
