Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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