I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize