just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
