You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize