They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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