Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
