i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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