I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
