She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
