we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
