he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
