tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
