I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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