it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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