i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
