I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
