First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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