ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
