the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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