yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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