Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
