Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
