He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
