I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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