I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
