awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He passed out mid-signature
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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