But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
