Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
