i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
