i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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