The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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