Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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