Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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