It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
