what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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