I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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