Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
