U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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