We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
